Recovery Stories: Jan's story

Every morning I'd wake up feeling dreadful with my heart racing, thoughts running through my head about everything there was about to go wrong throughout the coming day.

I would constantly be planning how to deal with all the disasters and difficulties that I knew were about to happen, factoring in plans and strategies in case something I hadn't expected also turned up, worrying about the traffic travel arrangements, about the kids, the house and probably all the people of India and few other things besides.

I knew I was doing it but I wasn't sure if the was anything I could do to stop it or whether it was just the way I was, because it was something I'd always done.

The morning before I started learning process I got up 5.00 to allow myself 4 hours for the half an hour journey, panicking the whole way through the morning about what might happen and what would go wrong, just as usual.

I had to factor in the time to ensure that my hair and makeup were perfect, so I would look ok- although when I left the house I still wasn't happy with how I looked.

Just on the second day the change was extraordinary. I woke up feeling really relaxed and happy looking forward to the day-I didn't worry about my hair, took a leisurely breakfast, did some stuff I'd been putting off for ages, took it easy, and when I got off the bus at the wrong stop, instead of getting stressed, I just worked out how to get to the seminar, calmly, by using the process- life just become much more simple and easy and fun.

But this was just the beginning of a transformation in my life and my future. Since then the anxiety that had been with me all the time for years and years just isn't there anymore. I look forward to each day, taking things as they come, dealing with things that I need to deal with and having more fun than I could ever imagine.